The Beautiful Ones

Once upon a time, I received a friend request from a cute, unthreatening, random boy that lived near my dad's house. At this point, I was sorta/kinda dating a two-month boy, so I didn't give him much thought. We messaged back and forth a couple times, but I honestly thought it was sorta weird and pretty much blew him off.

A summer later, he messaged me again. This time, Random Boy was cuter, more daring, but had a girlfriend. We flirted, and he asked me for my number. BUT, when I asked him why he was able to be so brazen with me while his relationship status CLEARLY said "in a relationship," he very sketchily cut off our communications. 

Almost a year later, the night after I was asked rather abruptly for a blowjob from my only current prospect, Random Boy appeared in my inbox again! He was sweet, single, and brought me a horde of compliments that was like a fresh bouquet of posies to me. I was in the middle of my second semester at SFSU, and college boys had shown themselves to generally be way too fast, horny, and grabby for my tastes. The way Random Boy seemed genuinely interested in how my day went, his near over-eagerness to make me laugh, and how impressed (instead of weirded out) he was by the fact I'd never gone any further than first base with a guy all mixed to have me immediately hooked on him; I was rushing home after class to check my inbox, and our conversations got more and more personal. 

This time around, I did give him my phone number, and after three consecutive five-hour phone calls, he decided he had to see me in person. I had him come to my dad's house while he wasn't home, which I thought was a good show of trust along with a reminder of the hulking figure that was my father were any harm to come to me. We walked to the park, put pennies on train tracks, talked until it was dark, and then returned to my house. There, we watched Harry Potter, made s'mores on the stove, and talked about not kissing until he had to go home. His smile was contagious, his arms were huge, and he picked me a flower. I was instantly twitterpated, which is probably why I snuck him in to my house the next night while everyone was asleep. 

Long story short, across a span of about two months, he told me he "really really" liked me, that he wanted to be my boyfriend, and that he couldn't wait for me to meet all of his friends. He wanted my sister to approve of him, wanted to tell my dad he liked his garden, and played guitar hero (losing graciously) with my brother. 

I think I was falling in love. 

And then he disappeared.

From then, there were four months of me pining, worrying, and wondering what I did wrong. I stopped feeling pretty, smart, or adequate in any way. I think it's safe to say I was legitimately, clinically depressed, and I couldn't control myself. I lashed out at my family, slept more than ever, and even ran away from home one night just to realize I had nowhere to go. All summer, I kept trying to get over it, but every time I got myself a little space, something would happen to remind me. I kept thinking he was going to call, was sure that he'd reappear.

It was the day before my birthday that I got a sign from whatever those powers up there may be to call him. 

Sparknotes version: I did, and we hung out; we made out a little (a lot..), and he said he'd call. The validation of just having him still want me was already boosting me so much that I didn't really care whether or not he flaked on me again. I told myself it wouldn't matter either way, and figured I wouldn't be hearing from him again.

But he called. He called and we talked and he hooked me all over again. 

Until he disappeared. Again.

I've told this story in pieces as it happened to countless people, yet I've yet to get any good advice about it. I still think about Random Boy, and I still sorta/kinda wish he'd call me. 

Anyway. I'm wondering if this sort of thing happens alot. Do you think it's a common practice for boys to just up and disappear on girls they've promised tons of stuff? I've heard that it must be because I was too easy, or because I was too much of a tease. Maybe he didn't want a girlfriend at the time, maybe he doesn't think I'm girlfriend material. Maybe he's gay.

Who knows.

Random Boy's birthday is on friday. I had a present for him. Nothing big, but it was perfect, and now I don't know what to do with it. Friday's like three days away. Should I cross my fingers for a miracle, or should I be over it by now? I almost feel a little creepy holding this weathered torch for him, but it's not like I can deny it. 

Maybe I'll throw the present away.

Idk. Let this be a lesson to all:

The beautiful ones will hurt you every time.